Best business advice ever (but first, the story behind it)

Many years ago, while doing administrative temp work after deciding to return to school, I worked for a man named "Bob", who gave me some incredible business advice. Bob was a man known for having a short temper, a man who had gone through a long line of Administrative Assistants who refused to tolerate his personality (thus the temp nature of the job). In addition to being scary, he was a brilliant businessman, which is why he was in the C-Suite of a rather large company.

Personally, I never had a problem with Bob, but then (and I have no idea why) he never once lost his temper with me – not even the day I made a major blunder and nearly cost him a large account with Walmart. While others accused me of lying to try and cover up my mistakes (I abhor lies, and this made me both angry and defensive), Bob called me into his office. As I walked in, the first words out of my mouth were, "I don't lie". Bob responded, "I know; which is why you still have a job here". He then calmly asked me to explain what happened that led me to make the huge mistake I admittedly made.

After I explained myself to Bob, he looked at me and said, "I know I have a reputation for being a real a--hole, but I have never been that way with you. Why were you afraid to ask me a few questions that would have ensured that you did this right the first time?” Dumbfounded – and more than a little relieved that I was not about to lose my job – I simply stood there; eyes turned downward in shame and regret, and whispered a barely audible “I’m sorry”. Bob pressed me further, telling me that he had not asked for an apology, but an explanation of my perceived fear of him.

I recall my next words gushing out of my mouth in rapid fire, saying how I knew that Bob was a very busy man; that I knew he did not have time to waste, and I did not want to be the one who wasted it with stupid questions. Bob looked at me, the hint of a smile on his lips, as he said, “So you’d rather waste my time in a meeting like this?”

Bob then went on to tell me the one thing people did not understand about him; the one thing he thought I did understand: that he would rather someone take five minutes of his time to ask questions, to make sure they understood what needed to happen, than to just accept the assignment and walk away thinking that they knew what needed to be done.

I soon left the company - after all, the job was a temp position - but I took this lesson I learned, and applied it to my studies in school; taught it to the students I tutored; and apply it regularly in all aspects of my life. In a way, it has become a litmus test I use to determine whether or not I would want to work for someone. Can I take five minutes of your time to ask you to clarify something for me; to ask you what your desired end-result is?

I later found out that it took Bob half of a work day to undo the damage of my mistake. I heard it not from him, but from one of the company Sales Reps. To this day, I don’t know if Bob meant for me to hear that bit of information. I think if he did, he would have told me so himself. Bob was direct like that. Be like Bob.

KJM
04.26.18

Is it just "stuff"?

Re-posted from a different blog:

For some reason, I develop emotional attachments to "stuff" - especially clothing. I try to tell myself, "It's just stuff. If you need a memento to remember the memory, is the memory really worth remembering in the first place?" It is only the fear of seeing myself on an episode of Hoarders that keeps me from holding on to every piece of clothing I have ever owned.

I recently lost 35 pounds, and decided the time had come to go through my closet and root out the stuff that no longer fit. You can imagine my surprise when I found my college "fat jeans" (or as I now call them, "my jeans") sitting so far back in the closet I expected to find a gay man cowering and shouting at me to close the door. 

Here is just a sampling of what I found:

• The summer gown I wore to my brother's Ordination. It made me sad to look at it, because he recently left his ministry. Perhaps I will donate it...but oh, wait, it fits again.

• A Frederick's of Hollywood little black dress that I never had the courage to wear, because the neckline plunges to my waist (it did not look like that in the photo!). Maybe I will put it on eBay...but oh, wait, my step-daughter might want it. 

• My Hugo Boss white silk pantsuit that I only wore once - for my mother's birthday celebration at Waterfire, the year I finished college and could finally afford to take her someplace nice. I always meant to dye it cranberry, to match the chicken glaze stain that the dry cleaner could not remove. That was the first and last time I wore white silk...

• My Karin Stevens teal suede beaded dinner suit, the one I wore to an evening job interview in Buffalo, New York (just like Providence, only colder!). Note to self: When a man asks you on a "dinner interview", don't accept the job he is offering.

• My vintage Bloom County t-shirts!

• Five hat and matching glove sets from the 1980's, sans gloves, as they were all ruined because I wore them on my paper route, along with a set of padded pink Thinsulate gloves that one of my favorite customers bought me. I never had the heart to tell her that they were too bulky for me to move my fingers. Apparently, I never had the heart to get rid of them, either.

• And this:

photo circa last Tuesday

The beret is part of a hat and glove set (now sans gloves!) that I received from my 10th grade Marketing teacher, as a Christmas gift for the teacher-student Secret Santa gift exchange. The scarf is even older, having been purchased in elementary school with my allowance money (because apparently, I had a perfectly good scarf at home and if I wanted it I would have a to use my own money to buy it!).

I know I need to let go of most of this stuff (except for the suits; I love my suits!). I keep telling myself that it's doing nobody any good sitting in my closet, next to the evening gowns that no longer get worn but that I long to wear; that I should donate it all to someone who cannot afford nice stuff; that if I don't, the producers of Hoarders will eventually come calling.......................so maybe I can put off the pain of letting go until that day finally arrives?

I am starting to think it is about more than just clothes.

KJM
1.18.18

Walking through the neighborhood on a rainy afternoon

Reposted from a different blog:

My car is in the shop today, so I decided to walk to the store. It’s only 2 miles round trip, and it is a decidedly mild day for January in New England; certainly not the winter in New England about which Robert Frost wrote and Barry Manilow crooned. In fact, it is raining – a warm rain, at that, with a beautiful warm breeze that hints of a spring that is still several months in the future. As I walk, random thoughts pass through my head...

I wish I didn’t wear this heavy sweatshirt, but it just seems wrong to be out in short sleeves in January...

I hate to think about what all this warm, wet weather is going to do to the mosquito population next summer. My guess is that there will be as many as to rival Minnesota. The ”Land of 10,000 Lakes” also means that it’s the “Land of 1,000,000 Mosquitoes”. I bet they don’t mention that in their tourism brochures…

How many songs have been written about rain? There’s “I wish it would rain” by Phil Collins…”I think it’s going to rain today” by Randy Newman, and covered by Bette Midler and Peter Gabriel...”The Rain”, by Oran “Juice” Jones…wow, Casey Kasem would be proud of me! If he weren’t dead, that is. Oh, and how can I forget, “Blame it on the rain”, by whoever it was Milli Vanilli fronted…”Purple Rain”, by Prince…

In spite of the mosquito population, I would like to visit Minnesota; visit Paisley Park and the museums of Minneapolis…if I go in the winter I can avoid the mosquitoes and see the Packers play the Vikings…that is if it isn’t so cold my eyes freeze shut. If I go in October and the Twins are having a good year...yeah, that's probably not going to happen....

How is it that America’s Icebox has not been affected by climate change? I think I’d like to move out that way someday…I hear the people are very friendly and that the economy is good. Plus, a state that elected comedian Al Franken to the Senate – and then told him to resign for being an ass – sounds alright to me. How did I get thinking about Minnesota? Oh yeah, Prince. Or was it mosquitoes? It was mosquitoes…

Speaking of being forced to resign for being an ass, I wonder whatever happened to former Senator Lincoln Chafee? Resigned from his own political party because they wouldn’t give him the nomination for his re-election as Governor. Our very own Lyndon B. Johnson…no, wait, Johnson had the intelligence not to run for re-election. Did Chafee? I can’t remember. I know he decided to run for President. Maybe that was it…if you fail at aiming high, aim higher. I love Rhode Island. We are so quirky!

Great, now I have Phil Collins songs stuck in my head, and not even good Phil Collins songs…why couldn’t it be another member of Genesis? I wouldn’t mind Peter Gabriel songs. I like Peter Gabriel! Do kids today even know who he is? Do Millennials? Do I care?

I remember the first time I realized I was an adult: a teenager thought my music was dorky and I didn’t care. Now I remember the time I discovered my heavy metal friends knew what I thought was my deepest secret – that I liked Ann Murray and Dan Fogelberg and listed to Lite Rock 105. I was so touched that they thought it was adorable; that they liked all the parts of me, not just the parts that were like them…

“All of me” by John Legend. That song is the song I would choose as a love song to myself. I just have to reach that point of self-acceptance. I’m getting there. Didn’t Whitney Houston sing that learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all? That version was a cover, too, but I forget who sang the original. I’m pretty sure it was a country song…Whitney dipped into that well twice and twice came up a winner!

“All of me” was the name of a song recorded back in the 1930’s, but John Legend's song is not the same one. I like this one better…

WTF? Why is the rain purple? Oh…it’s just reflecting the color in the neighbor’s stained glass window. Still, that was pretty awesome…

Who puts a stained glass window on a raised ranch in the middle of North Providence? Lincoln, yeah…but NP? Now that I think about it, maybe I’ll get a front door with a stained glass panel. That would be pretty…

I should call my mother…

I should call my brother…no, he should call me. He never answers or returns my calls. Is that a guy thing, or just a brother thing?

I miss my gay BFF…Jimmy would have been 48 this month. It’s been 9 years since he passed…why does it still feel like a dagger through my heart?

Is that the rain on my face…or am I just sweating from the January heat?


KJM
1.12.18