Day One: The Tammy-Faye Makeover

Yesterday was New Year's Day, which meant I needed to keep my commitment to my New Year's Goals (I don't make resolutions anymore). I was having guests over for dinner, and realized at the last minute that this meant, in order to keep with the #TammyFayeMakeover goal I had set, I needed to put on makeup, even though I was not

1. Leaving the house
2. Playing dress-up with my eight-year-old niece
3. Looking like an extra on The Walking Dead and in dire need of a pick-me-up

Since I was having guests over, I had my hair loose and sprayed instead of pulled back into a careless ponytail; this meant I would have to go with minimal makeup. Thank goodness I was going to be able to ease into this commitment!

I'm sure that the very first thing you noticed in my photo is that I am wearing a Boston Bruins jersey instead of my customary Minnesota Wild gear (#GoWild!). There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this: With the exception of everyone's beloved Cubbies, I loathe Chicago teams. While flipping channels, I noticed that the Bruins were playing the Blackhawks and I immediately threw on my "Boston Strong" jersey to telepathically send my support to the the black and yellow. Scoff all you want; Boston beat Chicago 4 - 2.

In this photo, I am also wearing full makeup! I used both mousse and powder foundations to even my skin tone and to accomplish a smooth, finished look (that Walking Dead comment was not a joke!). While I have been blessed with naturally rosy cheeks, so there is no need to use blusher, I have also reached an age where I am starting to get forehead creases (I refuse to call them wrinkles) and "age spots". While that term literally gives me nausea, my beloved grandmother had them as well, and it is what I first remember about her appearance when I think of her - her soft, slightly mottled skin and the love that emanated from her touch. However, the tender memory soon passes and I find myself reaching for the bar of parsley soap to naturally fade them (I know it sounds crazy, but with regular use it does work).

I know that I should use brushes or sponges to apply my mousse/liquid foundation, but I just can't; while I am not a germaphobic, I have enough sense to know that both brushes and sponges can become bacteria factories without regular disinfecting or replacement. My skin is sensitive to chemicals, and I don't want to create non-recyclable waste from sponge use, so I apply foundation with my fingers. I hate the mess on my hands - one reason why I find it hard to commit to wearing makeup - but at least it washes clean rather quickly. I use a moisturizing beauty wipe to avoid drying out my hands, and re-use it to wipe down the vanity when I am done with the entire application process. If you have read this far, I will now reward you by revealing the real reason I don't commit to brushes and sponges: because I don't know how to use them. I get a streaky finish every time. I can deal with the chemical sensitivity and the crimes against the environment, but I can't see the point of wearing makeup if it's going to look like a five-year-old applied it.

Eye makeup is my favorite makeup to wear, which is probably why I go all Tammy Faye with it in the first place. I love glitter and sparkle, but too often the look is less "Nomi from Showgirls" and more five-year-old who got into Mommy's vanity. 

How I think I look...how I actually look

Because I am still working on mastering the art of applying glitter it will be a while before I even attempt to leave my dressing room while wearing it. As a kinesthetic learner, I have to learn by doing; YouTube tutorials are great for inspiration, but they may as well be in German for all I can understand.

For yesterday's look, I used very basic eye makeup - unusual for me, but that is why this goal is called the #TammyFayeMakeover. I am wearing no eye-shadow, and a medium bronze eyeliner on only the cat's-eye corners of my eyes. For mascara, I used a nearly bare brush - not by choice. Every five to ten years my immune system decides it would be fun to switch up my allergies. Fifteen years ago I had a reaction to a famous "hypoallergenic" brand; my eyes were so red and swollen that my roommate quarantined me until I could prove I did not have a nuclear case of pink-eye. Since then, I have developed sensitivities to several other popular mascara brands, am currently only able to tolerate the $25/tube stuff, and I am currently scraping the very bottom of that small tube. Since I am also currently side-gigging while I look for full-time work, I need to prioritize my expenses: given the choice between a mascara for myself and food for my cat, I made the responsible choice. (I think I deserve a gold star for adulting on that one!).

Lipstick has always been tricky for me. A good, quality lip liner is a must for me, because without it I feather - I don't care how high quality the lipstick is, without a liner to constrict it the color bleeds off my lips and makes me look like Harley Quinn after a night of wild mayhem. 

I have a large collection of lipsticks (to which I am always adding, budget be damned) that range in intensity, but all fall in the pink/red/tan family of color collectively known as "berry". Because I was going for a minimalist look, I went with a 100% matte (I love mattes) geranium-petal pink that is nearly identical to my natural lip color. I bought it on a whim, in spite of the fact that I never wear such pale colors (the shade was my grandmother's favorite color and I have been missing her more than usual lately). Perhaps I will now get some use out of it, after all.

Overall, I have to say that the process of prettying up for my guests was far less painful and time consuming than I thought it would be and a lot more fun than it usually is. Perhaps it was because I now have a purpose for doing it? Or maybe because I was doing it out of respect for others, and not my own vanity? My Mom was shocked to see me wearing makeup (at all, not just at home) and I told her about this new goal of mine, and she now has one of her own for me: to get me to wear makeup every time I leave the house. It looks like a trip to Sephora is in my very near future. Stay tuned!

KJM
01.02.2019